I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I love having hate sex.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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