He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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