Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
