please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
