I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
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