I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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