My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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