remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
