I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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