hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
