Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i've created a new STD.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
