I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
