I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
