I bet he comes in French.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
