official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
