Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
