i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
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