Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
