She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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