Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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