i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
