U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
