whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
