Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Randomize
