I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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