you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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