I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
