do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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