my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
