Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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