cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
