You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
