exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
