Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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