His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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