he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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