bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Randomize
