At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My balls are so social today.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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