I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
