OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
