Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I love you.
Bad choice
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
