just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He shit in the fireplace
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
