I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
