I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
