and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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