there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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