Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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