I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
