oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Is Oprah even human
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
