the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
