If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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