I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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