just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
