So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
