Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
