After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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