My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
