He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
