put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
